i’m recording songs again.

life is sounding good now

it’ll be a nice escape for a few days.  it doesn’t feel like winter; then again, it doesn’t really feel like anything to me right now.

yeah, it’s christmas, but one of my brothers is in Utah, the other one doesn’t live here anymore, though i will see him later. i just miss joe, man. i wish things weren’t how they are, and we were still little kids and he slept on the bunk below me every night like it used to be. we’d wake up, then get up our older brother, and open our things together. well, i hope things are going well for him right now.  i miss you, joseph

hmm.

So I’m up on the ledge, waiting for you

To notice, and rise up, and save me

Just so I can jump through the air, and land on my feet

Don’t you know, I’d never desert you

I just want to start doing something with myself that I can be proud of.  I hate having to talk about what I want to do with school in the next few years, and what I want to study or what job I want to get while I am in school.  I just want to be there already, and be able to do something with myself that isn’t trapped into a routine or a limited existence.  That sounds selfish of me, but I do not want to live my life as my own life, I want to be with people for all of it.  I want to travel, and see how others are and learn from them, and I want to write and share what experiences I have.  Getting there is always the hard part.  I can’t get stuck thinking about doing something great, I just have to do it.

 this is oddly inspirational of me.  i will go back to being cynical now.